Bright Lights 42

Sorry for the delay and thank you for your patience

I might take a while writing the next post 

it's summer, i'm always away from my laptop 

spending time with my friends and all

it's hard to find time to write 

so bear with me please

Enjoy ;*

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Me: I really want to be with Fahad! … I don’t mind marrying him! … I know 7yaty ra7 etghayar foog w ta7at bs sometimes change is good

7aneen: la musta7eel! Entay akeed Mackenzie eli g3da tklmni!

            I ignored her and continued,

Me: shofay etha ohwa 9ij e7bni ra7 ykh6bni if not, I don’t know… bs ana elyoom 7ady mestansa, a7s shay 7lw ra7 e9eer

7aneen: enshallah … bs 9abooy, let’s be realistic here, you’re not even ready to say “I love you” to him yet, shloon 3an el marriage!

Me: I’ll tell him when he proposes,

She started lecturing and we continued talking until we reached the chalet.

            And of course there were guards everywhere.

            It was about 11 am, so 7aneen and I decided to go for a swim… The salty water felt so great against my skin.

            We stayed hours tanning until the maid called us for lunch. We ate and went back into the water. It was just 7aneen and me. Ensoolf w n’97ak w naf9l w faj2a n39b; we’re like sisters.

            At around 4:30 pm, we went into the dowania to chill… One of the security guards came in and asked me if he could let Fahad in,

Me: ambeeeeeeeh 7aneeeeen !!!

7aneen: Ha? Ha? sh9aar?

She came out running from the mini bar we had at the corner of the dowania

Me: Fahad is here!!

7aneen: shnaaa6ra zra3taaay el rayaaal … let him in (she told the guard and he left)

Me: ambeeh shsawii .. fashlaa !! akeed yay to end this!

7aneen: 6ag kel hal 6reej to end it!! … gomaay gomaay ro7aay kalmee baraah … ana wa7da mali khlg a6l3 mn el dowania

Me: mnu eli galch 6l3ay al7een?

7aneen: etha ya Fahad 7a’9rtch you need to talk to him alone … w ana mara7 ahidkm w a6la3 .. entaw eli betro7oon!

Me: 7a’9reen ya 2anisa 7aneen!

7aneen: 3abaly

            I left her and walked outside and sat on a chair by the pool waiting for Fahad.

I saw him walking his way to the dowania, but before going in he saw me, I smiled and he walked towards me.

Fahad: alsalam

Me: w3aleekm el salam

            He sat to a chair that was facing me.

            I waited for him to speak but he didn’t. He didn’t come all the way here to just sit here quietly,

Me: etha yay etkalmni 3an ams tara 3adi forget about what I said, I was distracted,

            I was nervous. I had to say something,

Fahad: (he looked at me with his killing gaze) afhm mn klamich ench matabeen etzwjain?

            I didn’t reply, I didn’t know what say… I wanted him to marry me bas I couldn’t tell him that! Fashlaa!

Fahad: betmeen saktaa!?

Me: what do you expect me to say Fahad … you’re the one who came here, what do you want?

Fahad: yeet akalmch eb maw’9oo3 … bas turned out you were distracted

Me: well,

Fahad: ana ghal6an yay … m3a el salama! (he stood up and started walking away)

Me: yeah go ahead just leave! Let's pretend this summer never happened! You're a liar a9lan.. You lied to me, you lied to your mom !! you’re lying to everyone .. I can't believe I fell for someone like you

He stopped walking and turned around and started walking to me.

Yuma! Is he gonna hit me or something .. Cheni 8aleet adabi wayd.

I gave him my back and started walking away... Kheft ezfni, an7ash a7sanli

Fahad: n6raay!!

I stood up bs I was giving him my back. He came to me and held my arm, shivers ran throw my body when he touched me. I missed his touch.

Fahad: 3eday eli geltee! (He ordered)

Me: (I turned around) what part bel '9ab6 !! That you're a liar!

He tightened his grip on my arm

Me: wakher 3ni !! I don't want you touching me!!

            I lied… all I wanted at that moment is to be in his arms.

I tried to pull my arm away but I couldn’t. I tried pushing him but it was no use.

Me: Fahad !! Shtaaaby yaaay hnee !!! You can't stand the fact that I'm happy w moving on !! Yakhy khala9 I take back what I said ams!! Mabeeek okaay mabi khatam wala shay mnk, mabeeek !! Troo7? wela you want me to call security!?

He let go of my arm and walked to a table close by and placed something on it. And walked away.

When he was out of sight, I walked to the table and grabbed that little box he left there... I opened it and was in a shock! What is this?! A RING !!! NO WAAAAAY! … Meta meda yshtree? … … I didn’t know what to think

I ran to the parking’s; Fahad was leaning on the front of his Bentley with his hands folded over his chest. He knew I would come.

Me: you could've just told me! (I raised an eyebrow as I walked to him)

Fahad: la a7la, 7abeet eli action eli sawetee

Me: la t3ayb. Tara you still don't know whether I said yes or no. Yalla get down on one knee. Be romantic yakhy

I walked closer to him and handed him the little box. He took the box and held my hands. I got closer and stood between his legs.

Fahad: a9lan khala9 I already got your answer.

Me: oh yeah 3ala kaifk?

Fahad: ams you asked for a ring w now you said you're falling for me, bs b3d shaby akthar mn chethy?

I smiled. But wait,

Me: I didn't saaay I was falling for you!

Fahad: well it was more like “I can’t believe I fell for someone like you” (he said mimicking my voice) w mu m38oola tkrheeni this soon

            I actually blushed!! how stupid of me! Why did I even say that!

Fahad: esta7aitay (his hands moved to my chin)

            I tried to avoid his eyes.

Fahad: 9aba a7bch (he kissed my forehead)

Me: I love you too Fahad

            He leaned in and kissed my lips softly.

Me: ma ra7 etlabsni el khatam y3ni?

            He took the ring out of its box and placed it on my ring finger… I kept looking at my hand mu m9adga. Am I really going to do this?

Fahad: khanamlch gabl la enrid America

Me: what!! This soooon! Nooo khaalny astaw3b eni makh6ooba awal

Fahad: lw beedi chan tzawjtch elyoom!

Me: dude no!

            I looked at the ring w sra7t shway,

            I felt his hands move to my face. I looked up and met his eyes. I smiled and closed my eyes. He placed a soft kiss on my eye

Fahad: sorry.

            I opened my eyes mstghrba,

Me: why?

Fahad: for the break up

            OH, I didn’t have anything to say.

Fahad: knt m39b … what you did was wrong!

            7aseet nafsy yahel w ohwa ekalmny. Bas gal3ty astahel.

Me: please let’s not talk about it

Fahad: abeech t3rfeen ena ana abi m9l7tch

Me: I know, I’m sorry (I wrapped my hands around his neck and hugged him) bs you hurt me!

Fahad: asf, adry makan la da3y asawee eli saweta, el mfroo’9 afahmch w aklmch bs waqta ma kent ga3d afaker

Me: can we forget about what happened for now w nestanis…

Fahad: enshallah… so akeed entay emwaf8a? 3ashan akalm obooch

Me: yes … the past few days made me realize that all I want is to be with you

Fahad: 7ayaty, mu kethry

Me: are you going to see baba at work?

Fahad: la ana ma adawem al7en… Bs etha baghooni ydigoon

Me: aha .. enzain can we go out tonight? As engaged couples? As a date! Can you believe wala mara 6l3na on a date!

            I can’t believe ena I’m always doing everything first.

            It was me who kissed him first back on the day when we first met when he stole the paparazzi’s flash drive, and me who asked him to propose, and now I’m asking him on a date.

Is this normal? I just love how messed up this relationship is, kelshay bel magloob.

Fahad: khaleeha yoom thany, el rab3 na6reni bel shaleh

Me: come on… Y3ni you rather be with them than with me

Fahad: oboch mklmni elyoom el9b7. Shafna ams bel 7adee8a… mayr'9a agrab mench gabl la namlich

Me: namlich? W shnu y3ni, I can't see you?

Fahad: eeh klmta w he knows I am serious about you … agdar ashoofch bs as long as I keep my distance

Me: yeah I can see that (I said sarcastically)

He was hugging me and I was all over him. Is this how he plans on keeping his distance?

Fahad: obooch ysam7na hal mara … We're engaged.

I looked up at him and he leaned his head down and kept planting kisses none stop on my face, lips and everywhere

Me: haha khaalaa9 you’re tickling (I said giggling)

Fahad: a7bch shasawii.. Tkfa khal nzawaj al7een

Me: Fahad 3an el ynon.. 

Bright Lights 41

The only thing that came up to mind right now is to go to my dad. I can’t be next to Fahad right now. Everybody is watching and I don’t want to make a scene.

            Just as I took a step forward …

…: Bil mbarak m3areesna

3mity Mona… I tried to breathe normally. How did I forget that she’s murt 3am Fahad? Why did I come here in the first place! What was I thinking?

Without realizing, I quickly grabbed Fahad’s hands at the same time he tightened his grip around my fingers.

Fahad: ebark feech khalty

            We didn’t shake hands nor kissed cheeks. ma tklmna wayd, bas salmat, asked how we were doing and left. However, she kept giving us strange stares every now and then. It scared me a little.

I turned my head to Fahad. My hatred, feelings, and fright of her capabilities… He knew it all.

I quickly let go of his hands as I realized eni maska eeda and walked away from him. I think people noticed the awkwardness between us all night.

I saw a door at the end of the hallway, kan b3eed 3an el 9ala. I knew it was the bathroom so I walked in, locked the door and leaned against it.

I tried to remain calm. I had to clench my teeth to keep myself from crying out, it just wasn’t working.

I leaned forward over the sink. Calm down, calm down… I kept repeating to myself.

Tears leaked out of my eye and ran down my face.

The look I saw in Fahad’s eyes made me hate myself so much. I wish I never came here. This was a mistake. Loving him was a mistake.

Fahad, my aunt, the people, the lies, … everything made me shed tears.

I cried silently,

I suddenly heard knocks on the door. I didn’t want anyone to hear me crying,

I sniffed, cleared my throat, wiped my tears and answered,

Me: I’m in here, (I said in a loud shaky voice)

I blinked and swallowed my tears. I looked at myself in the mirror. I was horrified. My face was a disaster. My makeup, mascara, eyeliner … were all over the place!

I quickly washed my face with cold water removing all makeup.

Everything will be fine, I kept telling myself

I grabbed my purse and took my makeup bag out to apply a little concealer under my eyes covering the dark circles. I also used some powder foundation for the rest of my face. I wore my mascara and lipstick on.

I looked at myself one last time in the mirror. I turned to the door and walked out. My hair covered my face from the side; the person was not able to see my face clearly.

I walked out of the house and to the garden. I sat on the bench. I wanted to clear my thoughts for a bit before I could walk back in.

I think I remember this backyard. I’ve probably been here when I was a kid.

…: e7m e7m … shlonich 9aba?

            I turned around startled … to find this hot guy in his mid twenties,

Me: hala walla, (I smiled back) bkhair el 7emdella … enta shloonk?

…: (he came and stood in front of me) Mabrook. Allah ytamim 3aleekm

            If only he knew,

Me: ebark feek … ma 3raftk, mnu enta? (I asked nicely)

…: afaaaaa shdaa3waa nseeteeeni

            He seemed nice but looked like a player.

Me: haha hmmm have we met before?

…: shraych y3ni?

Me: haha … sorry, I’ve met a lot of people in my life. You don’t expect me to remember all of them, do you?

…: ohooo mnu ygdar y7achy Mackenzie al7een … allaah yr7am ayam awal

Me: waait, who are you? (I started laughing)

            I’m loving this guy. He makes me laugh.

…: testahbleen! Ana 9ale7!

            I sat there for a second …

Me: la tgoool!!!? … 9alooo7 ma ghaaairaa!!

            We hugged each other and let go.

9aloo7: eeh ha shraych feeni… so are you gonna hook me up with your friends?

Me: ugghh 9aloo7 !! hatha ent ma tghayart!!!

9aloo7: shnu ma tghayart !! kel hal jamal mu taris 3ainch

Me: you’re still full of yourself … I remember the days when you stay in front of the mirror and complement yourself.

9aloo7: KAAAAAAAAAK

            His laugh was hilarious. I was actually laughing at his laugh not at the funny memory.

9aloo7: shetsaween g3da broo7ch … mu 3ajbeench eli dakhel

Me: I just needed some fresh air, that’s all

9aloo7: shloon Fhaaid m3ach … lal7een yt7akam feech w tsm3een kalama?

            Can we not talk about him?

9aloo7: wal 3umra 6weel, lay7ooshk, ana khal amshy el rab3 na6reeni … yalla enshoofch 3ala khair enshallah

            I said bye to 9aloo7 and I looked to my left and saw Fahad walking towards me.

            He was looking back and forth at 9aloo7 and I,

            I tried to avoid his eyes but I couldn’t … I wish we could go back the way we were.

Fahad: yaboonch dakhel.

            For a second I thought he would come and try to talk to me about what happened and we would get back together but no! Damn you Fahad! I hate you!

            I gave him a disgusted look and tried to walk passed him. He grabbed my arm preventing me from taking any step further.

            He turned me around to face him. He didn’t say anything and neither did I. Our eyes were saying it all. I could read his eyes and I bet he misses me as much as I miss him.

            I stepped forward. He wrapped his arms around me pulling me into a tight hug. I hugged him back and placed my hands on his chest. My heartbeat accelerated as he slowly leaned in and his lips met mine. He tightened his grip around my waist as he deepened the kiss.

            I know it wasn’t the right time or place to be kissing. But to me it felt so right.

            I pulled away from him and brought my hands together as I pulled off the ring… I held Fahad’s hand and placed the ring in it and I closed his hand. He was surprised by my action.

            I closed my eyes … and thought for a second! Yup, that’s what should really happen.

Me: Get me a real one

            Its not like the diamond ring wasn’t real! It was but I wanted a real engagement ring … not a fake one that I would wear to fool people about our fake engagement.

            At this right moment … all I wanted was to be with him, I didn’t mind getting married. The idea of marriage didn’t scare me as long as Fahad was the one.

            To be honest, I didn’t even think of marriage. I didn’t plan any of this.

This is what he always wanted. If he really wants me he would ask my dad to marry me. If not, then I guess we’re not meant to be.

            It just hit me… OH MY GOD, WHAT DID I JUST DO?

            I walked away and into their house. It was embarrassing.

            I went to Fahad’s mom, she introduced me to some people she knew. It was nice meeting all of these people but I don’t remember any of those people names. I met too many people for one day.

            For the rest of the night, Fahad and I kept our distances. He was with the men at all times. After dinner, my dad called me and we left.

…

The next day,

I begged baba to let me drive 7aneen and myself to the chalet; gha9ib r’9a.

I drove my cousin’s G-class. The car was black and tinted. It looked like a guy’s car with everything that was attached to it. People could not see us. El nas 3abalhm e7na 9bayan. So hopefully, ma7ad yt7rsh fena or follow us,

I went to 7aneen’s house to pick her up,

7aneen: shesalfa ashoofch mstansa elyoom? Tera’9eetay entay w Fhaaid?

            She got into the car and I started driving,

Me: entay lw tadreen ana shhababt ams … 9admat 7yatich

7aneen: yabooy!! Shemsaaawyaa!?

Me: first ana ma getlch … last day eb camp lmn we got caught swimming

7aneen: ehh adry gelteeely tahawashtaw

Me: la2… Fahad broke up with me!

7aneen: CHATHAAABAA!! Ya 7maaraa laish ma geltaaay!

Me: madry, entay sm3ay khal agoolch

7aneen: kamlay

Me: ams kna eb their backyard broo7na… we didn’t talk bs faj2a we kissed!

7aneen: awwwwwwh cuuute!! (She went quiet for a moment b3dain estaw3bt) NOO ambeeh!! in their backyard w ahala mawjoodeen!! Entay maynoona, tara 3aaaaib!

Me: well I wasn’t thinking! B3dain, that’s not all !!

7aneen: yuma, sh9aar b3d?

Me: ana el ghaaabiaa!! F9aakht el khatam eli 3a6ani eyah eb LA (she winded her eyes) I gave it to him w gelta, “get me a real one!!”

7aneen: chubaay!?

Me: wallaaah!!

7aneen: yanaaaaaiitaaay!

Me: shdaraaani!!! I wasn’t thinking!! I was kissing him shnu twa83aain!

7aneen: ambeeih shgaal

Me: ma gal shay, ana n7sht

7aneen: badaa3taay

Me: 7aaady… twa83een shra7 e9eer?

7aneen: madry walla … He broke up with you and five days later etgoleela ykh6bch!

Me: well I didn’t tell him to ykh6bni

7aneen: la wallah!! 3ayal shnu tfasreen salfat “get me a real one”?

Me: waay la tbacheeni!! Shdarani ana!! … I really want to be with Fahad! … I don’t mind marrying him! … I know 7yaty ra7 etghayar foog w ta7at bs sometimes change is good

Bright Lights 40

Me: to 7aneen's house.

After we reached her home I told the driver to wait since 7aneen was going to see her family at her grandfather's house so I didn’t want to delay her.

She had just arrived from the airport. Awal ma shft'ha I ran and hugged her, I've missed her terribly in these past few days

I greeted her family and we both went to her room.

She wanted to get ready and dressed so I offered to help.

She got into the showers while I went to her closet and picked her an outfit. A short while later she headed out of the shower, wearing her bathrobe.

7aneen: so shnu your plans for tonight?

Me: maku 7ada '9ayg khlgi ma agdar aroo7 mkan bro7i w you know that.

7aneen: meet up with your cousins aw 6l3ay m3a Fahad

Me: hmm 3ala 6ary Fahad. Oma elyoom emsawya 3azeema 7agi ana weya bs mabi aroo7 ... Its so awkward ma 3arf a7ad mn his family

7aneen: sooo!!! Roooo7aaay.

Me: there are things I want to tell you bs ma yamdy

7aneen: yamdi; 3ala ma albs w asawi sha3ry, tell me everything

I can’t tell her about the break up. I know she would comfort me and skip her family’s gathering

Me: ams 6la3t m3a Om Fahad.

7aneen: oh my God!!!

Me: she’s soo beautiful 7adha 6ayba … tyaaaanin mashallah

7aneen: enzain 3ayal laish ma tabeen etro7een el 3azema

Me: madry … I don’t feel like it

She applied her make up

7aneen: No 9abooy walla 3aaib … lazm etro7een. El 3azeema 7agich fashla you don’t show up

Me: his mom thinks we’re getting married that’s why she’s doing it

7eneen: EVERYONE thinks you’re getting married!!!

She wore her dress on and turned around for me to zip it up for her.

Me: yeah but this is different… it’s Fahad’s mom we’re talking about I couldn’t possibly deceive her… she’s already planning the melcha… galatli ena betsawii everything 7ag el melcha except for the dress betkalm omi w yetaf8oon!!

7aneen: wow! You need to talk to Fahad goleela lazm egolaha

Me: I’m fighting with Fahad … ma shfta mn radeet el Kuwait… akher mara shefta bel camp

I couldn’t tell her that Fahad and I are over. I’m devastated

7aneen: LAAAISH! Laykoon 3ashan salfat el paparazzi w el lake

Me: yeah.

7aneen: 3ayal lazm etroo7een elyoom … awalan 3aib 3ashan oma, la tfashleenha jedam el naas … w thaneyan, you need to talk to him!

Me: enzaain yala lebsay your heels… you need to go now… bacher bamer 3aleech bnroo7 el shaleh

She wore her heels and we both went downstairs

7aneen: okay … go and tell me everything later!!

I was still not planning on going.

I bid them farewell and headed home and on our way home, I saw a crowded house that was so beautiful

Me: Hatha bait mnu?

The driver: el3am bu Fahad… Na9er Alflani

Me: oh!

Their house was only a block away from ours.

We reached home, I got into the house and saw my dad leaving,

Baba: ha yuba shloon 7aneen?

Me: Zaina … baba wain betroo7?

Baba: bait 3mich Na9er

Me: Laaaaish! (I started to freak) Baba laykoon betkalm Fahad!! Baba pleaaase don’t!!!

Baba: la t7ateen mani mkalma, baroo7 l2nhm 3azmeeni mu 3adla ard’hm, wel 3azeema 7agich

Me: Baba, I know what you’re doing. Promise me you won’t talk to Fahad about me!

Baba: enshallah

I knew my dad too well; I know he’s lying.

Baba: matabeen tyeen? ng3d shway w meta ma bghetay namshi

Me: ma3arf a7ad hnaak … what if they didn’t like me?

Baba: laish may7boonch? … w laish ehmch? Entay w fahad mentaw metzawjeen!

Ouch dad!

Me: okay, wait for me in the car I need to get something.

I ran upstairs and into my room. I grabbed the fake-engagement ring that Fahad gave me back in LA. I placed it on my ring finger and managed to swallow away my tears.

I headed to my dad’s Maybach at the front gate. I got in and dad started driving.

I was so anxious that it even showed on my shaky legs

Baba: haday baba, mara7 e9eer shay … Fahad mara7 ekalmch w ana mawjood

Me: I don’t want you scaring Fahad away … be nice to him.

Baba: 3ala ay asas a9eer nice … 9aba etha athach aw ‘9aygch eb kelma 3ala 6ool tyeenli w namshy

Me: baba you’re not helping … la tkhaleeni at7asaf eni yeet m3ak

He giggled

I stopped talking since I was too nervous a9lan to focus with my dad

We reached Fahad’s house in no time. The valet took my dad’s car.

Me: yuba tara everyone thinks ena we’re engaged … What should I do?

Baba: bayni enkm lel7een mkh6obeen… bacher ana akalm Bu Fahad w agolaha ynhi el maw’9oo3 ma3a ahala

I was dying inside. this would be it, Fahad and I would be officially over.

Baba: 9aba?

Me: yes?

Baba: la tnsain, tklmay 3arabi!

Me: okay okay, … … 8a9dy enshallaah!

My dad and I walked into the house. There were a lot of people. I didn’t recognize any of the presence. I just stood there next to my dad as he greeted the men.

…: 9aba

I turned around and saw Fahad’s mom… she looked so elegant.

I wish mom were here to meet her. She’d fall in love with her and her style instantly.

Me: hala khalty shlonch (I kissed her cheeks and greeted her)

Om Fahad: khara3teeni , t2akharty, wgaf galby 3abaly mntay yaya. Kent tawni yaya bagool 7ag Fahad emrch

His mom is so adorable …

Me: I’m sorry … I had to go see a friend tawha wa9la mn America.

Om Fahad: el7emdellah 3ala salamat’ha

Om Fahad took me to some people and introduced me as her future “chana”

I met most of Fahad’s aunts and uncles.

Om Fahad: ya Allah 3ala Fahad madry meta beyy … 3afia 9aba degay 3aleh shofeeh laish t2khar (and she left)

I am NOT going to call him! I wouldn’t be able to handle it!

I made myself look busy with my phone. One of Fahad’s aunt came and introduced her daughters to me. Her daughters seemed to be so excited to meet me. I believe they’re fans.

I passed by some girls who looked about my age or younger. I heard them saying,

Girl #1: 9adgeeni akeed 9ij 7amel

Girl #2: shaku … a9lan maku ba6n … ma shfteeha 7adha 3a9la

Girl #1: labsa wsee3 akeed mara7 ebayn .. w b3dain I read eb couple magazines 3anha, everyone knows enha 7amel

Girl #3: b3dain tkfa mnu be9adig wa7da eb 3umrha w mashhora w 7alat’ha 7ala tetzawaj eb hal 3umr … 9adgeeni el salfa feha enna

Girl #3: ambeeih sta7aw .. la t’6lmoon el bnaya

Great, now his cousins think I’m pregnant!

I turned around and faj2a om Fahad waray.

Om Fahad: ha dageetay? Rad 3aleech?

I shook my head left and right … I didn’t know what to say!

Om Fahad: ana b3d adig 3aleh mayrid e’9aher nasy telephona

…: yuma kani (he came and kissed her forehead)

I was in a shock I didn’t expect to see him now!

What am I saying, akeed I was expecting him. It is his gathering, isn’t it?

He looked so handsome in a dishdasha.

He turned around and stood besides his mom facing me. He didn’t even say hi to me. Yakhi at least pretend to care in front of your mom!

Cold as ever he acted like the Fahad I met the first day of camp! I hated that Fahad. I hated the way he looked at me. I hated the way he acted around me. It felt like I didn’t know him at all.

Om Fahad: enta waink? Ana w 9aba 3yazna endig 3aleek laish ma trd!

He looked me in the eye and raised an eyebrow. He knew I never called,

Fahad: geltch eni bel 6reej

Om Fahad: enzain ma 3aleena yala eg3d m3a kha6eebtk shway … la tkhaleeha bro7ha (she left)

I gulped nervously as Fahad came and stood dangerously close to me.

I didn’t know what to do so I decided to go to my dad. I can’t be next to Fahad right now. Everybody is watching. I don’t want to make a scene.

The moment I decided to take a step forward…

…: Bil mbarak m3areesna

Bright Lights 39

Special thanks to my editor, Ali

This post is dedicated to him

____________________

Om Fahad: laa weeeh la t7ateen, nro7 mkaan mafeeh a7ad… ma63am w enrd

Me: enshallah 3ayal … 3adi aro7 abadel bser3a w ayy ?

Fashla I didn’t want to leave her alone bel 9ala

Om Fahad: akeed 3adi, 3ayal laykoon betyeen m3aay chethy eb pajama!

Me: haha mu 8a9di chethy bs mesta7ya maby akhaleech bro7ch

Om Fahad: la ekhthay ra7tch, ana adig asoolf m3a rfejty 3ala ma tkhal9een

I excused myself and went to the kitchen and told the maid to serve om Fahad something to drink

I ran to my room and quickly found something nice to wear. I didn’t want to wear something too revealing. So I put my navy and black Carven dress on.

I applied some make up on and fixed my hair. I wore my classic black Louboutin heels, and the matching clutch and went down.

Om Fahad stood up and we both headed to the driver’s car. I didn’t know where exactly we were going.

Om Fahad and I continued chatting. She was really nice and fun to talk to; she’s such a cool mom. She told me a lot of funny stories about Fahad.

I laughed at the stories but inside I was crying. I missed him more and more as the seconds pass by.

We reached the restaurant; three of my bodyguards were following us,

Om Fahad: weeh hatheeli shesawoon warana

Me: shsawee feehm 3yazt mnhm, obooi mayer’9a a6la3 broo7i

Om Fahad: haw entay m3ay mu broo7ch

Me: if anyone notices me, eldenya kelha betyam3 7awaleena … mara7 negdar enwakher 3anhm

We sat in a table far away from the crowd

Om Fahad: Allah y3eench 3aleehm … enzain 7abeebty degay 3ala Fahad shofee etha ma 3enda shghl khal eyy

NO PLEASE DON’T MAKE ME DO THIS!! What will do!

Om Fahad: Hach kalmee mn telephoni (she dialed his number and handed me her phone)

I placed the phone on my ears I had no idea what to say to him,

He picked up,

Fahad: Hala yuma … aloo? … yuma?

I couldn’t do this … his voice was killing me

Me: aloo (I replied almost whispering) it’s 9aba. Shloonk?

This is the first time I talk to him since the break up

Fahad: hala? (He seemed shocked)

Me: I’m out with your mom and she’s wondering if you’d like to join us for lunch (I said quickly, I couldn’t bare being on line with him any longer)

Fahad: 3endi shghl

Me: okay take care, bye! (I answered bser3a and hung up) khalty he can’t 3enda shghl

Om Fahad: 9aba? Fahad galich shay… shfeeh wayhich 3tfas mara wa7da tawa sh7alatch mafeech shay

Me: (I faked a smile) no khalty maku shay … ma gedart akalma 3adel kan eb a meeting (I lied)

Om Fahad: akeed? Walla etha em’9aygch eb shay goleeli 3ashan akhanga

Me: No, 7aram walla mu mga9er m3ay eb shay

Ma 7abeet ashawh 9orta eb 3ain oma. But I really need to talk to him about this! We either fix this or end it, with his mother and everyone else… I can’t keep on doing this. This was harder than I thought

Om Fahad: agool bacher sh3ndch?

Me: wallah maku, ymkin aroo7 bait rfeejty… bacher btrid mn America … ma atwa83 ba6awel

Om Fahad: zain 3ayal … ana msawya 3azeema, 3azma ahalna fa abeech tyeen 3ashan et3rfeen 3al kel w eshofoonch

Me: Fahad bekoon mawjood?

Om Fahad: eeh 6ab3an … el 3azeema 7agkm

Can my life get worse?

I needed an excuse to not show up for the gathering tomorrow.

We continued chatting while eating our food. By the time we were eating dessert, some teenage girls recognized me. They came to me and took a couple of pictures. As soon as they left others came to say hi.

Om Fahad: tbeen ne6la3 … el awadm bedat etzeed akhaf e2athoonch

Me: ee walla yaleet

We got into the car,

Om Fahad: ma wedi ardch el bait … shraych tyeen tg3deen 3endi … el 9ara7a ‘9egat khlg baitna

Me: haha khalty enshallah mara thania, walla 7adich weneesa ma twa83tch tkooneen this cool

Om Fahad: Allah ekhs bleesk ya Fahad … shgaylch 3anii haa

Me: haha la walla mu gayl ela kel khair

Om Fahad: ya b3d 3umry Fahoody … Allah ekhaleeh ley w ekhaleekm 7ag b3’9

I wish she knew what’s really going on… 7aram, I don’t get why Fahad lied to her about this in the first place!

I want to hate him! Akraha for breaking up with me! He’s such a liar! He’s just like m7amad! I hate them all!!

Thank God we reached my place before I cracked and sobbed… I bid her farewell and went inside

Awal ma w9alt I broke down on the sofa sobbing like a baby… My heart is broken and no one would understand how painful this all feels. Why am I unlucky in love? What is wrong with me? Fahad kan y7lm feeni mn yoom ohwa 9’3eer and when he got to know me; ma gedar yt7mleeni for two months. Love was never on my side. I wonder if I’ll ever end up like my parents. Will I ever find someone who would loves me for who I am?

The maid: Saba are you okay? Do you want me to call Sir?

Me: No, thank you. I’m fine. You can leave now.

It’s amazing how lost you feel inside when you look fine on the outside

I grabbed my clutch and went to my room. I changed my clothes and threw myself in bed. My bed seems to be my best friend now.

I slept and woke up at around 9 pm until my dad woke me up

Me: baba shfeek chan khaleetni akaml noomty … there is nothing else to do around here

Baba: geltlch ro7ay namay eb bait yaditch mar’9aity

Me: I don’t want to see anyone. I don’t know why I came to Kuwait a9lan, maybe I should go back

Baba: g3day m3a ahalch walhaneen 3aleech … bacher etha yat 7aneen ekhtheeha w ro7aw el shaleh aw el mazra3a g3daw hnak awnaslkm

Me: Om Fahad elyoom 3zmtni 3alghada 6l3t m3aha

Baba: ee 3a6ooni khabar

Of course, the guards tell him everything.

Me: galat bacher emsawya 3azeema eb bait’ha w 3azma ahalha kelhm 3ashan eshoofni ana w Fahad… baba mabi aroo7

Baba: laish matabeen

Me: oma 3abalaha 9ij ana ra7 atzawaj Fahad

Baba: Fahad kalamni gabl shahar, wgal ena yabeech, entay mu et7beena?

Me: I do Baba but we broke up

Baba: eeh w meta hal 7achi?

Me: gabl chum yoom bel camp

He went quiet for a minute.

Baba: la tro7een etha matabeen (he was talking about the 3azema)

It was awkward talking to my dad about Fahad. He doesn’t know everything about us. I don’t know what my mom told him

…

I got up the next day at around 3 pm. My sleeping pattern is kinda messed up; especially since I stayed up all night yesterday looking at the pictures I got from camp. There wasn’t anything else to do.

I’m going to 7aneen’s place just to say hi. She’ll arrive at 4pm. I’m wont stay for long though; she’ll be busy with her family and all.

I told the maids to fix me something to eat while I shower.

After I was done showering, the maids brought the food to my room.

After I was done with my food, I got ready, and then I walked in my closet and grabbed my Emilio Pucci yellow dress, it was a little about the knees but I figured it was okay.

I wore my jewelry and my Alexander Wang heals, grabbed my Cèline and called the driver to prepare my car.

I went downstairs to find my dad at the living room working on some papers.

Me: Dad I’m going to 7aneen’s

Baba: khalay el sayg ewa9lch

Me: laaish? I can drive!! Bait'hm greeb no one ra7 eshoofnii.. W mani m6awla

Baba: ma3aleh el say8 ewadeech w yan6rch

Me: fine.

I walked outside; the driver was waiting... He held the driver’s seat open for me to get in,

Me: you're driving.

He came and pulled the back seat door open and I got in. He got into the driver's seat and started driving.

Me: to 7aneen's house.

Bright Lights 38

Hello,

Hope all is well. I would like to thank you all for reading and for being so patient. I know I keep making you guys wait, I'm really sorry for that. I take forever to post. I miss the days when I post regularly. 9arly fatra, I'm being so lazy to write. Sometimes aktb couple of parts bas b3dain faj2a e9eer feeni No that's not where I want the story to go and I would delete the whole thing and I would start all over. I'm taking my time with this story.

Some of you think that I'm moving too fast with the events, you might be right, but I know where this story is going, so keep on reading ymkin tstw3boon laish ana g3da aktb chethy.

About the typos and mistakes in the posts, to be honest I don't like editing so I usually let my cousin do it. But she is so busy with school she doesn't have the time to. She just reads and gives me feedback. Since I hate editing and I don't have anyone to edit the posts, I am just posting them the way the are. So I'm asking you to pleaase ignore any typos, spelling, and grammar mistake.

Thanks again for reading,

I love you guys,

Enjoy ;*

_________________________

My dad and I were my his jet heading to Kuwait. I just woke up. I was sleeping the whole flight.

Dad: yala baba rb6ay el 7zam al7een eb tanzel el 6ayara

I buckled my seatbelt, waiting for landing.

I was told that Fahad had left to Kuwait last night. I really hope I would see him. Our relationship should be over like this!

We landed, did all the necessaries and we peacefully walked out of Kuwait international Airport.

The driver drove us straight to my dad’s house.

I showered, got dressed and get ready to go to my grandmother’s house.

My dad drove me to grandma’s and he came along with me to greet my grandmother, aunts and uncles.

Dad: salaam 3aleekm … ahaal el baaait?

Me: wainhm? (I looked at my dad)

Dad: emshay enroo7 dar yaditch e’9aher b3d shway eyoon

We got into the elevator and then to her room.

She was praying almagharab, salimat, w 3gb turned to us,

Me: Mama Saaaraah! (I ran and gave her a hug) eshtegtlch… shlooonch? Ma welahtay 3alay

Mama Sarah: yaaal ga63a … waaaainch ma ts2leen 3an yaditch? Meta we9altaaw?

Me: elyoom el 3a9er …

We continued talking.

About an hour later, we went down stairs for my aunt and uncles.

Everyone greeted me very warmly. I was so happy to see them and they were to see me. I didn’t see 3mity Mona and her daughter Dana yet, I hope I don’t.

I gathered around my cousins, I had a lot of catching up to do.

Ghena: waaaay 9abooy mu m9adga ench betzawjaain!! A7s tawch 9gheera! (she said excitedly)

Me: 7yaaty ghanooy taw el nas lel7een e7na mu mest3yleen … lel7een ma 7adadna shay!

Galbi y3werny saying all this. I don’t know whether I’m sad coz Fahad and I broke up or coz of the fact that I’m lying to my cousins.

Amar: laaish? tara shareeet badla 7ag melchtch!! Mali shghl ra7 tamlcheen gabl la trdeen America!

Ghena: enzain tkfa degay 3aleh khanesm3 9ota

Me: NOO!

I can’t do this! I can’t break down in front of them. I’m not over the fact that Fahad ended it with me because of a silly reason.

Rama: shda3wa 3ady bs degay salmay 3aleh, goleelah I miss you ay shaay 3afiaa

Me: ohwa bel dowania m3a rab3a, ma agdar.

I do miss his voice though. I wish it was that easy to call him and tell him how much I miss him.

Amar: enzain shraych ne6la3 … ma walahtay 3ala el Kuwait!

Me: emballah I did .. bs I can’t go out, bs entaw 6l3aw etha taboon

It’s hard for me to go out without guards.

Rama: besmellah medach etmleen mn wyoohna! 7abeebty ga3deen 3ela 3ala galbch

Me: waay, wallah I love you … welaaht 3aleeekm!! Malee8een laish ma tzoreeni eb America

Ghena: eeh kaho khalood jedamch ro7ay kalmee

Rama: khalood a9’3ar 3yalch yalii matst7een … la ysm3ch bas … waay fdeeta khaly

We stayed chatting b3dain they called us for dinner 3gb we sat bel 9ala with my uncles w 3mity.

Amar: 9abooy namay hnee 3ashan enaam

Me: mu yayba hdoom

Ghena: afa 3aleech … Swaayer 3endaha dararee3!

Rama: La w etha ma lgaat gadich ta36eech dshadeesh khawaly yoom 9’3aar … lel7een khashat’hm madry meta btg6hom

Me: wedi anam bas ma agdar walla I’m so tired tawni rada mn el sfar t3bana mn el 6reej metkasra 7adi abi arta7 w anam … enshallah yoom thany a7san 3ashan nes’har

Amar: okaay.. enzain 3ayal meta ma bghetay te6l3een degay 3alena en6al3ch

Me: enshallah ... yalla ana 7ady gafalt, lazm ard el bait

Rama: yalla bye a9lan ana omi 9arlaha sa3a na6ratni bel sayara eb tethba7ni … bye (she kissed my cheeks) goodnight

I went to my father he was arguing with my uncles about el seyasa. 7ada 9arakh a7s shway w ytkafkhoon bs that’s how they always are. They talk so loud.

Me: yuba?

Dad: hala baba?

Me: can we go now, daykha

Mama Sarah: 9aba darich foog mawjooda ana em3adlat’ha 7agich

Me: Mama Sara aghra’9y mu m3ay ma agdar elyoom anam, enshallah ayy yoom thany

Mama Sarah: akeed tyeen? Wela bt9ereenli nafs hal beza3 kela hayteen (pointing at Ghena and Amar)

Me: haha la Mama ra7 ayy anam 3endch w ayeebhm m3ay b3d shraych

Mama Sarah: eeh hathy el san3a eli tjabl yadat’ha

Ghena: wee wee afa al7een 9aboo elsan3a w e7na la2

Mama Sarah: khalood saket bentik lsanha 9ayr 6weel

We all laughed at them. My grandma is cute. I’ve missed those gatherings.

My dad excused himself and we finally left grandma’s place and went home.

I went straight to my room, wore my PJ’s and got into bed.

I was so exhausted; I slept right away.

…

I woke up early the next day… I had no idea what I was going to do. My mind was so distracted with Fahad.

I wish 7aneen was here with me. Her plane will arrive at tomorrow evening.

I went downstairs; the maids have already prepared breakfast for me. My dad didn’t seem to be anywhere around, I guessed he went to el mazra3a or work.

After breakfast I walked around the house, remembering some good old memories.

At around noon, I went to my room to nap. There was nothing else to do. Besides sleeping could take Fahad off my mind.

I got into bed and when I was finally about to close my eyes, the maid knocked on the door saying that there was someone here to see me and that person was waiting for me downstairs in the living room.

Ugh who is it?

I was wearing my light node silky dress pajamas. I wore my matching node silky robe over it and went downstairs.

There was a lady who looked like she was in her late 20’s maybe early 30’s sitting in the living room. She looked beautiful, tall and elegant mashallah. I am sure I have never seen her before. Something about her reminds me of someone; I can’t recall who that someone is.

Me: Salaam 3alaikm (we shook hands and kissed cheeks)

Lady: wa3aleekm el salam shloonch 9aba?

Me: el7emdella bkhair … sam7eeni nazla eb bajamty ma kent adry ena a7ad beyy wela chan badalt.

Lady: waaay ya 7elwich la tst7een mni … 3raftay mnu ana?

Me: la walla ma 3araftch

Lady: ana ‘9ya2, Om Fahad

OH, NO, THIS CAN’T BE GOOD!

7aseet ena chena a7ad just slapped me. Oh dear lord, what is she doing here?

W yah fashlity, awal mara tshoofny la w b3d eb pajama

Me: hala wala (I said in a shaky voice)

Om Fahad: wee shfeech khtbaa9taay 7abeebty la tkhafeen mni tara ma a3’9

She’s so sweet

Me: (I giggled) I have a question?

Om Fahad: ya 7alatch w entay etklmain engleezay yalla ask

Me: chum 3umrch?

Om Fahad: laaa 3aaad ma tfa8na 3ala chethy (she started laughing)

Me: Noo walla mu 8aaa9dy bas you seem so young how could you be Fahad’s mother

Om Fahad: chum ta36eeni?

Me: I seriously thought you were 29 hmm 32 (I shrugged my shoulders)

Om Fahad: ya b3d 3umry ya bakhty etha entay chanety … I’m 43, ybt Fahad lmn kent 19

“Chana” (daughter-in-law)!! WOW WAY TO GO FAHAD !!!

Me: mashallaaaah khaaalty walla you look so young

Om Fahad: mashkoora ya galby …

I looked at her and studied her features … Fahad has her brown eyes and the same skin tone. 7abeeby I can’t describe how much I miss him.

Om Fahad: g3d tfkreen laish ana yaya?

Me: la 3ady walla 7ayach khalty ay waqt .. it’s nice to have finally met you

Om Fahad: (she giggled) ya 3umry ana fa’9ya ma3endi shay, bedal ga3dat el bait gelt ayy amr 3aleech, bo Fahad kalam obooch w gala ench bel bait bro7ch fa gelt amrch w ne6la3

Me: t6l3een m3ay? (I asked in surprise)

WHAT DID FAHAD GOT ME INTO! Don’t get me wrong! I’m loving his mother. She seems so cool but she’s his mother!

Om Fahad: haw w laaish ma a6laa3 m3ach … khant3rf 3aleech … ba3arf mnu hathy eli weldy mayt 3aleeha

Okay, I’m gonna cry now!

Me: bas khalty tadreen ena shway ra7 et2atheen m3ay bel 6al3a?

Om Fahad: wee laish?

Me: tadreen b3d etha el nas shafooni ra7 eyoonli w chethy

I didn’t know how to explain to her … she’s gonna hate me! I don’t think going out with her is a good idea. Bas a7s 7aram she seems to really wanna go out

Om Fahad: laa weeeh la t7ateen, nro7 mkaan mafeeh a7ad, ma63am w enrd